When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
