saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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