I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
