Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
