Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
