That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
