I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
