Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I want to make a zoo with you.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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