i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
