He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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