I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
