does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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