Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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