wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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