I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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