I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
