So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
