He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
