I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
There are leaves in my underwear?
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