the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
