sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
