He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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