we're chasing vodka with high fives
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
