I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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