I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
