So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
