the condom got lost in my hair
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
