can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
