just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
