i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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