Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
