Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
