I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
