you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
