Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
