I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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