I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
