Taylor Swift is so right about you.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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