I think my fart just growled at me.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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