It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
