Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
