There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
