GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
