i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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