Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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