I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
