Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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