i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
