How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize