this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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