Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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