I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
