i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
