I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
