Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
