guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i used baking grease as lip gloss
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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