I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
