Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
