Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
