I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
