Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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