her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
