"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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