Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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