Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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