I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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